Each morning I wake up and roll myself out of bed after Kyle has showered and gotten dressed. He heads downstairs to the kitchen to eat breakfast and I trail behind him. While he eats I prepare him his sandwich for lunch that day (occasionally he takes leftovers too- I think he likes those days best) and help pull his snacks of string cheese, an orange, yogurt and carrot sticks from the fridge. He finishes his breakfast, gives me a quick kiss goodbye and heads off for the day.
This was taken after we had been married just a few months.
This morning as he was leaving I couldn't help but think of how absolutely destined he is for me. I am no major believer in a one and only soul mate, but I do very strongly feel like Kyle and I had some sort of force pulling us together from about the time we were 16. Sometimes I let that force pull me in and I succumbed to it, other times I fought it and felt that I had conquered it- though I think I merely suppressed it for a time. After a 2-year absence that pull became intense and there was no going back.
He is perfect for me, we were made for each other. This morning I reflected on this. He is patient with me, even when I explode out of nowhere ranting about the disorganized and cluttered state of our house, even when the clean clothes sit in the laundry basket for an entire week and are then dumped out only to be re-added to the basket with freshly clean clothes destined to sit for another week, (can you tell I have a real issue with laundry duty?), our bed is rarely made, and only half the time do I have a real nice dinner ready for him (the other half is leftovers or something quick like eggs and toast.)
Saturday was Valentine's Day. Since Kyle and I aren't lovey-dovey, it was no extravagant occasion. We don't need a dedicated holiday to celebrate our relationship, we have our anniversary for that. (Though... I did use the day as an excuse to buy that guy some needed shirts he spotted at Target earlier in the week.) We started the morning off with breakfast burritos and a berry smoothie. Hailey very excitedly gave us our gift of scarves she made her all on her own using scraps of fabric from my stash. And then Kyle went outside to do some yard work while the weather was nice. Hailey did her best to show extra love that day. I was constantly told how much she loves me, and she even went and got dressed BEFORE breakfast without even being asked. I spent the morning both trying to be productive and trying to hide for some of my own quiet time. Something within me was off and I couldn't pin it down. And then I burst into a flood of irrational emotions, complaining about what a cluttered mess the house was, deep down inside feeling completely unimportant. It was an explosion- and I wasn't prepared for it. Poor Hailey followed me around trying so hard to continue to share that extra love, while I grumpily ignored it. When Kyle came inside he sent me upstairs to shower and cool off. He then took the girls into their room and instructed them to clean, and clean they did. Really, it was just what I needed. After getting cleaned up and ready for the day my mood was much improved. What crushed me was hearing that Hailey thought she and Keira had made me sad. She was trying so hard to show me love and instead I gave her the impression that she had upset me. Totally crushed. What had I done? Selfish, selfish me. I later explained to Hailey that I was not at all upset at anything she had done. Luckily kids are easy to forgive and quick to forget.
Last week we had a Relief Society activity centering around love and the book The 5 Love Languages. I've never read it, but am now thinking it might be a good one to pick up. It explains ways to improve our relationships with others. It all leads back to selfless love-real love. The kind of love I feel, yet struggle to show. This past week has gotten me to think a little bit more how I show love to those most important to me. There is definitely room for improvement. And I'm working on it, after all, I do have a goal to be more patient this year.
Visit my creative blog to download a copy of this print.
I don't really know where I wanted to go with this post, but I had thoughts I just needed to get out. Thanks for listening. :)