What in the world has happened to time? It has been 3 months since I last posted. And it kills me.
But let me explain.
6 months ago Kacey was born. I was mostly concerned about how it would change things for Keira, who previously was the baby, and how it might affect our family dynamic. Little did I realize just how much it would change things for ME.
Life was good for the first month or so. I was busy with baby, understandably so. We didn't really go anywhere. We had friends over to play, but otherwise kept to ourselves. Eventually summer ended and back to life we went. Hailey started kindergarten, which in itself was a whole new transition for me. That on top of the addition of a new baby began to overwhelm me. Kindergarten itself isn't hard. But for me getting back into a routine and making two trips to the bus stop became busy. I know it sounds silly, it takes us 5 minutes to walk to the bus stop, we wait 5 minutes, then we take another 5 minutes to walk back. But coordinating that 2 times a day with the eating and sleeping schedule of a newborn was tricky. Some days it still is.
Trying to keep up with housework, menu planning, grocery shopping, cooking... all of it plus now caring for 3 children was too much. So we often didn't have a plan for dinner. We ate a lot of nachos, a lot of eggs and potatoes, a lot of cereal... you know, the quick and easy I-have-no-idea-go-to-meals. In fact Kyle would often come home and cook dinner, because I was usually tied up with caring for Kacey. One evening, after a day that for me was quite productive- I had dinner cooking in the crock pot, a success!- Hailey saw Kyle pull into the driveway after work. She said to me, "Dad is home, he can make dinner for you now." Nothing gets past little eyes.
Laundry. Oh dear. This is the never-ending pile upon pile that took over our bedroom. Seriously. The laundry was washed, usually after someone complained of being out of underwear, but rarely was folded and put away. It got to the point that our bedroom floor was covered in clothes, most of which were clean. One evening over Christmas Break, we had a laundry folding/movie watching party. Kyle brought down pile after pile of clothes, which we sorted and folded. Laundry is a beast: once you get behind, it's hard to catch up.
I felt like my life was falling apart. I just couldn't keep up. I was totally overwhelmed and exhausted. I could handle basic needs, but not a lot beyond that. My brain became overloaded with worry and stress. I began to struggle to cope with the anxiety that crept in. It never was serious, but some days it overcame me.
Honestly, I was bit afraid of the mother I was becoming. I lost the urge to play with my girls, to read to my girls, to enjoy my girls. Caring for them became a job and a burden. Kyle and I became a bit distant- there just wasn't time or energy left at the end of the day to enjoy each other's company.
As Kacey has grown, so has my ability to feel like me again. I have more time to accomplish daily tasks, more time for my family, more time for me, and an increased desire to try harder.
Life is good! We're getting back on track. We're eating real meals again, laundry is getting washed on a more weekly basis, and the house stays relatively clean. I mostly feel like me again. I'm ready to blog once more. I haven't forgotten this little blog. It's too important to our family- this is where our memories are recorded. Hang tight with me while I try to play a little catch-up on the back end of 2015.